On the Joyous Edge: Parenting Today's Children

Do You Have the Mindset for a Joyous Holiday?

The holidays are filled with numerous opportunities for sweet moments to fill your heart with joy. Here are five quick reminders to keep you focused in a positive direction.

Find the innocence in everyone’s eyes – your child’s, your partner’s, your parents or in-laws, those people with whom you share a passing interaction.

Share the amusement and laughter of an unexpected funny moment.

Seize the opportunity to spontaneously experience a new adventure with those you love.

Appreciate the amazing abundance of your life.

Do something luxurious to celebrate yourself. (This does not have to cost money.)

Look forward to the New Year with a profound commitment to yourself and your family to make the most of every moment you share together.

Joy and Love,

Connie

Joyous Holidays to You!

My husband Doug and I are so enjoying the fun, loving holiday gatherings with family and friends, and we hope you’re enjoying all of your holiday festivities. Our 2-year-old grandson Sebastian is eager to open packages “I open it!” and likes Santa. We all love the magic of sharing Christmas with him this year.

I’m delighted to be expanding my work to support you with all of your family relationship challenges, including with your child, your partner and any other family member.

A family is an interwoven living network, in which each family member affects the emotional well-being of everyone else. This means each person has the ability to transform the whole living network.

You can now find my website at http://joyousfamily.com. It looks the same right now and will be changing soon. I’ll let you know as I add new resources for you.

Want to Start the New Year with Your Child on a Solid Foundation?

Another New Year is almost here, and I invite you to make your family’s loving trusting connection a priority. To help you with this, I’ll be giving an all new teleclass with fr^ee how-to tips to create a more joyous family in 2010. I’m so looking forward to sharing this information with you to help you start the New Year with your family on a joyous foundation.

Do You Have the Mindset for a Joyous Holiday?

Want some last-minute ideas to help you keep a positive focus during your family holiday celebrations, even when a difficult moment occurs? Read today’s quick Joyous Family Tip for important ideas to see you through this hectic time of year.

Everyone in our family - Orion, Nichola, Sebastian, Doug and I - wish you and  those you love deeply the most Joyous of Holidays!

What Happened to Their Humanity? Part 1

This is a question on everyone’s minds in Richmond, CA, where a group of approximately12 teens watched while several young men gang raped and beat a 15-year-old girl. This is truly a horrific story, shocking and disturbing to everyone that young men would violently injure and abuse this young girl.

The haunting question on everyone’s mind is, “What about the young people who stood around and watched? Why didn’t they do something to stop it? What happened to their humanity and their ability to take action to call authorities?”

When we hear stories like this, we believe once again that the next generation lacks basic human values. We feel judgmental of them and question their goodness.

But young people do not make these choices in a vacuum. Young people choose these actions based on many factors. It is not that they are inherently bad people. It is not that they didn’t know better.

We need to look to the emotional environments in which they have grown up.

If we want young people to act with humanity, we must treat them with humanity. We cannot yell at them, perceive them as failures, ignore their requests and ideas without damaging their natural moral values.

We must walk our talk as adults with children and everyone with whom we interact.

Children will never learn true humanity by being taught by a teacher or from a textbook.

True humanity comes from listening to the truth within their heart. We can help children use this natural ability by listening to the truth within their heart, no matter how insignificant or inappropriate it seems to us.

And by not unknowingly diminishing their humanity as people.

When we as educators, parents and society honor the goodness in children’s hearts, children will honor the goodness in their own hearts and in the hearts of others.

Grandparenting in Mendocino '09

Doug and I loved taking our 2-year-old grandson on our trip to Mendocino, a lovely, intimate town on the Northern California coast. As always, we stayed at the comfortable Inn at Schoolhouse Creek, a few miles south of town.

We enjoyed our hike up Jughandle Creek Trail to the Pigmy Forest at the summit. We all loved seeing the crazy abundance of mushrooms springing up everywhere. The most we've ever seen.

Sebastian practiced saying, "Mushrooms." Mostly it sounded like "Rooms." And he got really good at recognizing them.

The donkeys are at the Inn.

I hope you enjoy our photos!

 

This is Doug and Sebastian with Maureen, owner of The Inn at Schoolhouse Creek w/ husband Stephen, and their two children, Kayla and Max.

Are You Putting Everyone Else’s Needs Before Your Own?

The message this time of year is “Joy!” and “Make Merry!” But is this really what you’re feeling as you haul yourself out of bed in the morning, get your children to school, rush through your day and arrive home to make sure homework is done and your children are in bed on time? And squeeze in shopping and parties?

Probably not. Joy is often postponed until a later date when you have the time or for a special event. 

If you’re like many moms – and dads, too – you expend much of your energy and time taking care of your child’s and partner’s needs and wants, relegating your own to the back burner for a later date. You may feel you don’t deserve or can’t afford some private, nurturing time for yourself when yesterday’s dishes are still in the sink.

You may feel you shouldn’t read the mystery you love or take a nice hot soak when your child can’t seem to find anything to do and he needs you to entertain him.

Or your husband has had a long day of work, and you don’t want to burden him with taking care of your child when he wants to watch TV.

Yet taking care of yourself is essential to you and your family if you are to truly succeed in nurturing your family’s emotional needs and empowering them to live their best life, joyously and successfully. I cannot stress this too much.

In fact, I continually focus on taking excellent care of myself and my own joy and fulfillment. The more I do it, the better I feel and the more I enjoy my family and my life.

Of course, it’s important to respond to your family’s emotional and physical needs. I’m not suggesting you neglect or ignore them. You’ll find, however, the more you deeply nurture yourself, the more you’ll naturally want to nurture your child and everyone else in your family.

Without some ‘Me Time’ and ‘Couple Time’, your effectiveness and fulfillment as a mom and as a wife will be significantly diminished.

Here are 5 important reasons why taking good care of yourself every day and nurturing your own joy and fulfillment are ESSENTIAL for your family’s love, joy, and Emotional Wholeness this holiday season and throughout the coming year.

Reason #1  You feel happier, more content and fulfilled.

This means you come to your child and partner renewed, refreshed, and ready to be more fully present. You literally bring your joy to your interactions with your family. It only takes a moment of thought to realize how important this is to their joy and contentment.

Reason #2  You have a clearer perception of potentially difficult situations with your child and your partner.

You’ll listen more deeply and be more understanding of his feelings in the situation. This helps you find win-win solutions and prevent conflicts and emotional meltdowns. You’ll break away from the should’s and do what is best for both of you.

Reason #3  You create an emotionally and physically safe environment for all the people in your family.

When you’ve pushed yourself to your limit or beyond your limit, your own emotional and energy reserves are depleted. At these times, you have a short fuse and little things, like a forgotten kiss or a little hesitation about getting ready for bed, can put you over the top and into your own emotional meltdown.

When you feel impatient and at the end of your rope, no one feels safe, not even you.

Reason #4  You model to your child and your partner how to make choices that nurture one’s self.

You play a powerful role in your family whether you realize it or not. One of the most important things your child learns from you is how you treat yourself. When you find yourself postponing or neglecting what you need and want for yourself, ask yourself if this is the way you want your child to treat her/himself.

Nothing I know of makes the importance of nurturing your own joy more clear than to consider your child doing the same things they see you do daily.

Reason #5  You live a fuller, richer, deeper experience in life and in your family.

Imagine for a moment what a more joyous, fulfilling life would be like for you. What would you do that you love? How would you feel to simply delight in your family and in your life? How would it change the choices you make if this were your reality on a consistent, on-going basis?

Make taking care of yourself a high priority this holiday season and throughout the coming year!

Many moms won’t do this for themselves, and they will do it for their child and their family. It doesn’t matter as much ‘why’ you give yourself a more fulfilling life as it does that you do it. Everyone benefits. You’ll see more delight and joy in your family’s eyes, and you’ll create a more fulfilling, rewarding life for both yourself and everyone in your family.

Try it! You’ll be amazed by the results.

I’d love to hear from you. Let me know what you discover.

Your Family Can Be a Source of Joy

I hope your Thanksgiving was filled with joy and appreciation of all the wonderful people and experiences in your life. I certainly loved celebrating my own abundance with my family and our horses.

The weekend before Thanksgiving, Doug and I planned a peaceful, romantic weekend for two at our favorite B & B in Mendocino, The Inn at Schoolhouse Creek.  A couple of days before we left, Orion and Nichola gave us the opportunity to include our 2-year-old grandson in our plans.

As you can guess, our weekend became a grandparents’ weekend, not exactly relaxing and definitely fun, invigorating, and deeply nurturing. Being with Sebastian is being touched with grace and joy…with some flexibility thrown in for those ‘interesting times.” Here’s a photo that captures the fun!

I’m so excited about this!

Who in Your Family is Most Challenging for You to Get Along With?

Several of you have told me recently you need help with how to handle a specific on-going challenge with someone in your family, and you really want to do something about it NOW. I have the perfect solution for you.

During the month of December, I have space for a limited number of private Family Drama Breakthrough Coaching Sessions, which I promise will help you have more harmony and joy in your family not only this holiday season, but throughout the coming year. Provided, of course, you’re willing and committed to take positive new steps now.

In a Family Drama Breakthrough Coaching Session, we explore in-depth a repetitive challenging interaction or situation you have with one of the important people in your family. This can be anyone, including your child, your spouse, your mother-in-law, or even your own mother.

By the end of the hour, you’ll have a clearer understanding of what is the root of your difficulty. Plus you’ll know specific actions you can take immediately to dramatically improve the challenge you are experiencing with this important person in your life.

I’m only doing these Family Drama Breakthrough Coaching Sessions in December and have just a few spaces.

So if this sounds interesting to you, send me an email today. Be sure to include your phone number and a brief description of the family situation you want to improve.

After I receive your email, I will send you more info about this transformational opportunity.

Don’t wait on this! Remember, there are only available this month only. Send me an email today.

Let Your Intuition Guide You

 Last week I attended Isabel Parlett’s “Put the Mojo in Your Message” event in Phoenix. Isabel is both my mentor and my client. I had so much fun moving and listening to tribal drumming to access the deepest message I want to share with the world. I’m delighted with what I discovered.

While there I also had the opportunity to visit Old Town Scottsdale where they have an amazing horse fountain. You know my love of horses. I couldn’t resist taking some photos.

One of the big lessons I’ve learned in my life is to trust those urgings within me to do something that feels right for me. This is true whether it’s taking photos of a horse fountain, attending a training or creating a program to empower parents.

Right now, in addition to my upcoming Parents Keep Your Cool Intensive, I’m excited about my first ever home study program, which will be available in just a few weeks. My assistant Lisa and I are getting everything ready for you as quickly as we can. I’m so looking forward to sharing this transformational program with you soon!

If there is one mistake I see parents make over and over, it’s not realizing how important you are to your child and her development. Read my tip below to deepen your awareness of this important truth.

Children Are More Capable Than We Think!

Research seems to indicate that morality and responsibility for others doesn’t develop in children until adolescence. Yet my son Orion and I recently observed his son (and my wonderful grandson!) 2-year-old Sebastian do something at the park that powerfully contradicts this belief.

First I want to give you the lay of the land. Orion and I are standing at the top of one those big play structures that has a tall, twisting slide. On one side is a steep, rock climbing section that goes from the ground to the top of the play structure. Sebastian has mastered this climb after being spotted during countless attempts.

Sebastian has just made friends with a 2-year-old girl who is there with her grandfather, who is carefully watching her. We’ll call her Sara. She is doing well getting around and yet not as physically strong or coordinated as Sebastian.

Sara and Sebastian laugh and giggle as they run around, going down the tall slide then running around to the top of the structure and then going down the slide again. Everything is going smoothly and easily.

This time Sara goes down the slide ahead of Sebastian and runs around a corner of the play structure out of Grandfather’s, Orion’s and my sight. Sebastian follows down the slide and looks in the direction Sara has run.

He has a concerned look on his face as he looks from Sara to her grandfather, back to Sara and then to Grandfather who not paying attention at that moment to his granddaughter.

Then Sebastian walks over to Grandfather until he has his attention, and then points in the direction of Sara to show Grandfather that Sara is going up the rock climbing section. Grandfather immediately runs over to Sara to make sure she is safe.

Observing Sebastian’s awareness and responsibility for this girl he just met is totally amazing to me. He knows Sara is potentially not safe and Grandfather needs to know what she is doing. And HE TAKES ACTION TO MAKE SURE SARA IS SAFE!

Orion and I can hardly believe what we have just observed! I’ve never seen a child do anything like this. I’ve watched many children on playgrounds before, and they are seldom aware of potential danger for other children. They are focused on having fun themselves.

Sebastian is being raised using the principles of Joyous Parenting™, which I’ve seen make a big difference in a child’s ability to be fully, positively and morally present, a quality essential for authentic relationships and success in life.

Children are naturally brilliantly capable, insightful, moral and empathic from a very young age. It’s essential to their development that we as parents, educators, and a society recognize this if we are to relate with them in emotionally-nurturing ways so they easily express their full capability.

I invite you to expand your vision of who children are and of their natural capabilities. You’ll be amazed by what you discover.

Do you have a story of your child doing something amazingly moral and empathic to share? I’d love to hear it!

 

Beautiful Horse Fountain in Old Town Scottsdale, AZ

On a recent outing in Old Town Scottsdale, i came upon the magnificent fountain with five unique horses. Here are some photos I'd love to share with you, especially all you horse lovers!

 

 

 

 

Remember How Important You Are As a Parent

To your child, whether she is 5 months, 15 or 25-years old, you are one of the most important people in the world. Forget this simple but profound truth, and you’ll fall short of the positive impact you can make in your child’s life.

Your actions, your beliefs, your way of doing things, your words ALL powerfully affect who your child becomes. Without consciously choosing to do so, your child takes on who you are. If you’re uptight and stressed much of the time, this affects your child’s beliefs about life; and he will unknowingly feel stressed himself.

If you raise your voice and speak angrily to your child and to others, your child will not only learn to raise her voice and speak angrily to others. She may feel insecure, resentful and even unloved with you.

Your child counts on you to be the best person and best parent you can be. He’s looking to you always for guidance about being a happy, successful person. Remember that EVERYTHING you do makes an impact in your child’s life—either for the better or the worse. You don’t have to be perfect. Just be as conscious as you can.