On the Joyous Edge: Parenting Today's Children

The Five Gifts Your Child Most Wants This Holiday Season!

You know giving your child presents and material possessions for the holidays are not the most important things you can do for your child this holiday season. And with the current economic challenges, you may not feel you have the usual amount of extra cash to spend on gifts that you have in the past.

Another GI Joe action figure, the latest and greatest Barbie or the “in” pair of designer jeans won’t really make a significant impact in your child’s life, either this year or all the years to come. It feels good in the moment, and it’s not an investment in your child’s future.

Yet if you’re like many parents, you and your child are already planning and talking about those special toys and gifts she wants this holiday season. You may even have some of them already purchased and stashed away somewhere hoping she won’t find them.

We all love giving our children gifts. Not so much because you value the gift itself, but because you love seeing the delight in your child’s eyes. Their excitement at having received what they want.

But if you think about it for just a moment, you’ve also noticed that often the glitter of these longed-for gifts fades quickly; and they sit unused on the shelf. Or worse, they lie in the middle of the floor where you have to keep reminding your child to put them away.

So how can you make this a holiday season where the sparkle in your child’s eyes comes from his heart, and not just a quick, superficial flash that lasts a few days?

Imagine that you could give your child gifts that would last a lifetime and that would bring a smile to her face now and in the future. Think how happy that would make you. It’s every parent’s dream.

Here are five essential gifts you can give your child this year that are guaranteed to bring joy to his eyes during this holiday season and throughout the year ahead.

1. Feeling safe

Your child feels safe when she knows she can count on you to be there for her and to be consistent in your words and actions. She knows what to expect from you and can trust you to manage and be responsible for your own emotional reactions without acting in ways that are emotionally and physically hurtful.

She also knows that your feelings, words and actions are congruent. In other words, you don’t say one thing and do something else. You don’t pretend to be feeling something you’re not by wearing a smile on your face while you struggle emotionally with sadness, anger, or worry.

You care about her emotional well-being and take action accordingly.

2. Unconditional love and acceptance

Unconditional love and acceptance means you look for the good in your child and know that it’s there even when his behavior seems to indicate disrespect and defiance. You love and accept all of him, things that are easy to love and the things that challenge you. (This doesn’t mean you let him walk all over you, but that’s a topic for another article.)

When your child feels deeply loved and appreciated, he soars to great heights and enjoys a life of fullness and joyous self-expression. Your unconditional love means far more than any gift you can purchase to ‘show’ him how much you love him. When you live it, he feels it and it goes right to his heart.

One of the best ways to express your unconditional love is to spend time with him, doing things that you both enjoy and that perhaps allows you to experience a part of his world you have not tried before. When you share loving, joyous time together, you create memories that nurture your hearts forever.

3. Self-confidence

Self-confidence comes along with self-love and self-trusting. She likes herself and possesses a peaceful, strong certainty that takes her through life’s up’s and down’s. One of the most important ways you can nurture self-confidence in your child is to trust her and to feel and act confidently about her choices and actions.

Without self-confidence and trust in herself, your child will hesitate to put herself out there and to take the essential risks that life demands. Self-confidence meanss she makes her own well-being a priority and has the courage to act on it.

4. Ability to think for himself and to make wise choices

Self-reliance goes hand-in-hand with self-confidence. When you trust your child to reason things out for himself and to make his own choices, he gains essential life skills to make wise choices. When he’s not allowed to fully develop his choice-making muscles, he feels insecure and acts hesitantly. He also becomes dependent on you to do his thinking for him.

Find ways to let your child make real choices for himself, even when he makes choices that are difficult for you to watch. This is a necessary part of his growth and development as a person.

5. Inspiration to greatness and delight in life

This is about self-motivation and an inner urge to achieve one’s goals and desires in life. We all possess this natural desire and drive. Yet parents and educators unknowingly and unintentionally say and do things that limit and suppress this natural drive to greatness and joy in children.

It is a huge price to pay to watch your child be unmotivated to make smart choices for her own welfare. An important way to give this to your child is by giving it to yourself. Let yourself be inspired to take action for your own greatness and delight in living.

So that’s my list for this year, the essential gifts that are an investment in your child’s future.

Of course, you want to give some thoughtful, meaningful gifts to your child. That’s part of the fun. But most children want fewer presents than they receive. Choose a few gifts that are perfect for your child now.

Most of all, remember to invest in these 5 important gifts this holiday season. When you invest in long-term heart-centered joy and authentic connection, you’ll discover how profoundly magical and loving the holidays can be, this year and every year.

Have Holidays with Your Family be More Fun and Less Stressful

We had so much fun on Halloween this year! Doug and I dressed in our favorite and easiest costumes – cowboy / cowgirl. We don’t have to look far for the boots and hats we need. 
We went to Orion and Nichola’s party for mini-monsters and spent some fun time with the little ones and their moms and dads.

Then in the evening, Sebastian spent the night with us, and we took him out trick-or-treating for his first time. He liked going to people’s houses, looking at the decorations, knocking on the door and often just walking inside their living room, and then collecting candy to put in his ‘purse.’

Orion and Nichola went to an adult Halloween party and had a great time. Their costumes were so amazing I simply had to share them with you here in this photo. I’m sure you recognize their characters if you’ve seen the movie The Dark Knight.

Would you like to have the holidays be more fun and less stressful? It’s easier than you think.

Now that November has arrived and daylight savings time has ended, everyone’s attention is shifting to the coming holidays. We all want the holidays to be special and fun, especially for our children; but the stress of adding even more activities and projects to your already busy schedule can literally push you over the edge. Tempers become frayed and patience can be hard to come by when you want it most.

To help reduce your stress and increase your calmness during the holidays, I’ve created a special coaching intensive, which I’ll announce in the next few days. This unique program will be limited to a small group of parents who are ready to take powerful action to be more patient with their child and who act quickly.

If this sounds interesting to you, be sure you’re among the select few who have this life-changing opportunity before the holidays begin! Watch for my announcement in the next few days!

Want to give your child what he really wants this holiday season?

You know giving your child presents and material possessions for the holidays is not the most important thing you can do for your child this holiday season. And with the current economic challenges, you may not feel you have the usual amount of cash available for gifts that you have in the past.

Want some new ideas of how to make the holidays with your child truly meaningful? Here’s a list that will bring a smile to your face and a sparkle to your child’s eyes that will last the entire year. Read today’s article to clarify where to focus your energy and time this holiday season to deeply nurture your child’s happiness.

Halloween Fun 2009

Halloween was so much fun this year! Here are some photos for your enjoyment.

Mini-monsters Halloween party

 

Orion, Nichola and Sebastian

My son the Punk Rocker

Doug, Sebastian and Me

Nichola and Orion for an evening out

Take Action Quickly to Resolve Your Parenting Challenges and Concerns

As a parent, it’s important to recognize indicators of your child’s emotional distress. If you even suspect a concern, it’s important to take action quickly and to not allow these concerns to continue. Most likely they will not just naturally go away on their own. In fact, they’ll often lead to other emotional concerns and behavior difficulties for you and your child that will escalate as your child grows up.

Your child counts on you to recognize the indicators of her emotional distress and to take action. This is an important time to trust your intuition. If you feel perhaps you recognize a problem, there is a good chance you are correct.

When you allow your child to continue struggling when you see behaviors that concern you, he feels alone, unsupported, and insecure, and perhaps even unloved. Your child will show you when something isn’t okay emotionally, and he looks to you to know what to do about it.

Take action until the problem is resolved so you are both happy and fulfilled.

You Can Easily Learn to Communicate Clearly and Powerfully with Your Child

Sebastian’s language skills are rapidly increasing. Lately he’s been saying two-word sentences where nouns become verbs. Popular examples include: I jeep. I truck. I bike. I tractor. I Connie. I have now become an action verb! I like that!

Many of you know that one of the essential parenting skills I teach is a unique and effective way to use I-statements. Nichola made a brilliant observation about Sebastian’s language skills, “He really knows how to use I-statements.”

This powerful way of communicating is good for all of us. Yet most parents are either unclear how to use I-statements or forget to use them entirely.

You Can Easily Learn to Communicate Clearly and Powerfully with Your Child

Imagine what it would be like to be heard by your child and to have her respond cooperatively and positively!

The good news is that it’s not hard to do. In fact, it’s much easier than you think!

This is only one of the powerful skills you’ll learn in my Joyous Parenting Training that begins in November. And just in time to dramatically decrease your family drama and make the holidays truly special!

Plus I have a special package with valuable bonuses that is available only until this Friday, October 23.

Create a holiday season where you share the truly magical delight of loving your family!
Find out more and sign-up, by going here: http://www.JoyWithChildren.com/jpt_special.html

Your Child Counts on You to take good care of him. Here’s an empowering tip to help you avoid one of the biggest mistakes I see parents make!

Live Your Fondest Dreams as a Parent!

Our wonderful grandson Sebastian aka His Royal Cuteness (HRC) is now 2 years old! Orion and Nichola had a delightful gathering of friends and family to celebrate this wonderful occasion. Here he is in all his two-year-old innocent exuberance and joy!

We had a “special invitation” to arrive early so we could spend some focused time with Sebastian before everyone else arrived. Of course, this meant extra time with Orion and Nichola and the fun of helping them get ready for their party.

I LOVE being able to help them in some way. They are so independent and capable I don’t often get this opportunity. Doug and I cherish the fun, joyous, trusting time we share with our 3 “kids.”

Does this sound like a dream come true? Well, this dream can happen for you, too! I promise! Here's how...

Are You Registered For My Parent Empowerment F-R-E-E Call Happening this Saturday, October 10th?

I urge you to secure your spot on this F-R-E-E call now. Click here to do so. This is a content-rich call where I'll reveal:

"How You Can Dramatically Decrease the Stress of Getting Things Done with Your Child During the School Year so You Can Enjoy Your Family More and Be the Parent You Want to Be!"

I'll share priceless information in this information-packed call. It's also where you'll be the first to hear about my SPECIAL OFFER and BONUS GIFTS for my Joyous Parenting Training that begins November 2nd.

Imagine nine power-packed teleseminars with me as I personally guide you through the new discoveries and insights you need to create an authentic, trusting, deeply connected relationship with your child, no matter where you are right now. So mark your calendar now. There's something magical about knowing you’ve taken a bold step forward to be the parent your child needs you to be!

Are You Missing Important Cues about Your Child’s Emotional Well-Being?

We live in a society where what you do and say is more important than how you feel. Because of this, most parents aren’t very aware of their own feelings, not to mention their child’s.

In fact, we don’t often know what to do with our emotions except ‘keep a stiff upper lip’ when things get hard and try not to let others know how you really feel.

Children are born without this set of rules, and they have no hesitation or fear of letting you know exactly how they feel. This is part of what makes parenting so confusing. How to know which of these feelings indicate a potential problem in your child’s Emotional Wholeness. Read my earlier post "Important Cues to Your Child's Emotional Well-Being" to learn 4 important emotional cues I recommend you watch for now!

Important Cues to Your Child’s Emotional Well-Being

We live in a society where what you do and say is more important than how you feel. Because of this, most parents aren’t very aware of their own feelings, not to mention their child’s.

In fact, we don’t often know what to do with our emotions except ‘keep a stiff upper lip’ when things get hard and try not to let others know how you really feel. We’ve somehow come to believe that so-called negative, uncomfortable feelings like disappointment, self-doubt, embarrassment, fear, anger or grief shouldn’t be expressed or talked about.

Children are born without this set of rules, and they have no hesitation or fear of letting you know exactly how they feel. This is part of what makes parenting so confusing. How to know which of these feelings are important and which ones indicate a potential problem in your child’s Emotional Wholeness.

Plus, most parents don’t really know what emotional well-being looks like. Parents usually believe if their child is smiling, she must be happy. Yet is this really true? How many times in a day do you put a smile on your face even when you don’t feel truly happy?

In addition, you may be missing cues of lack of self-confidence or self-esteem or feelings of being unloved because you believe your child’s behavior is “normal” or that it’s just a phase he is going through.

Yet, most so-called “normal child behavior” is not emotionally healthy, and childhood phases can last a lifetime.

So, to help you out, here are four simple cues every parent needs to be aware of if you want to deeply understand how your child is doing emotionally. Remember what I always say: Your child comes with a manual. Your job is knowing the secrets of HOW TO READ THIS MANUAL and then responding effectively to bring out the best in your child!

Please note: Each of these cues apply to your child no matter how old he is. Also, these are just a few of the more common indicators of a child’s emotional discomfort and lack of connection with you.

Cue # 1 Your child frequently doesn’t listen and do what you say.

This one may surprise you since it occurs so often that most people believe it is normal child behavior. It may be ‘normal’, and it is an indicator that something is not working emotionally for your child. Plus, every parent who talks to me about this problem would say it’s not working for you the parent either.

Cue # 2   You and your child frequently argue or yell at one another and get into power struggles with each other. Sometimes your child hits you or is physically rough with you.

Once again this looks ‘normal’ because it is so common, and it is a strong indicator that that your child is struggling emotionally in some way. Your child wants to get along with you so when he acts defiant or as if he doesn’t care, he is loudly trying to get you to pay attention to something deeply troubling him emotionally.

Cue # 3  Your child wants lots of your attention or is clingy to you or lacks self-motivation to make wise choices for himself.

A child naturally yearns to become increasingly independent and autonomous. When he can’t seem to let you go and take care of himself, something important is not working emotionally with your child. This applies equally to a child who is 18 months old and to a child who is 18 years old.

Cue # 4  Your child seems ‘perfect,’ seldom challenging you and seems highly motivated to please you and do what is expected. This child may become upset when she fails to achieve a desired goal or makes a mistake.

Almost every parent wants a ‘good’ child, but being a ‘good’ child isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. If you have a ‘good’ child who seldom challenges you or disobeys you, she is hurting emotionally as much, if not more, than the child who is defiant and uncooperative.

If you recognize any of these behaviors in your child, she is telling you something is wrong emotionally. Trying to resolve this problem by getting your child to change her behavior may change the behavior, but it won’t solve the emotional cause of the problem, which is the most important part.

By learning how to read the emotional ‘manual your child came with,’ you’ll create an emotionally healthy, empowering relationship that nurtures and empowers you and your child. You’ll not only see your child’s behavior improve. Being a parent will consistently become more joyous and easy for you, and you’ll cherish the moments with your child.

See Challenges as Opportunities

What a wonderful last couple of weeks it has been! Doug and I just returned from northern New Mexico where we visited family and camped in some gorgeous areas. One of our favorites was Ghost Ranch

where world-famous painter Georgia O’Keeffe painted her beautiful desert images.

I love the freedom and adventure of exploring and discovering new things. This is one of the reasons I love guiding parents to create joyous families. Every challenge in a family relationship is an opportunity to expand, grow as a person, and learn something new that will transform your life forever.

If you live in the San Francisco Bay Area, here’s an opportunity you won’t want to miss. I’ll be giving a free talk at Whole Foods in Los Altos on October 22 on “How to Help Your Child Have More Confidence and Fun with Friends”. Be sure to put this date in your calendar now so you can attend this F.R.E.E workshop.

I am so excited about my next Joyous Parenting Training, which is starting soon. I love watching the powerful changes and improvements parents make in their parenting through taking this class. I’ll be telling you more soon (plus a special opportunity) so be sure to watch for my announcement.

The way you parent is directly connected to how you live your life. Today’s parenting tip comes from an exciting, fun adventure Doug and I shared at Ghost Ranch. Use it to enjoy your child and your life more.

Reach for What You Really Want

One of our favorite experiences at Ghost Ranch was hiking back into a gorgeous red rock box canyon where I took this photo of Doug. It had been a fun and sometimes challenging hike up to this point, criss-crossing the creek on slippery rocks and climbing over and through large boulders.

Finally, we could see the end of the box canyon, but we weren’t quite there yet. Before us was a tall,

challenging pile of boulder, which I doubted my ability to scale. I decided we had gone far enough.

When Doug climbed on this ledge high above where we were standing, he could see the very end of the canyon. From his vantage point, he saw that getting all the way to the end of the trail was worth doing; and it seemed do-able. We decided to go for what we really wanted!

What followed was a delightful time of reaching, stretching, balancing, and maneuvering to reach the very end of the canyon. There we were surrounded by a high rock wall that folded back over us, wet with water seeping through the cracks, and a resonant echo to every sound we made. We loved it and were thrilled we did it!

When I see this photo of Doug taking a risk to get a better view, I am reminded how important it is to stretch yourself and go for what you truly want, even if you’re not sure if or how to do it. Boldness and courage are essential for a fulfilling, joyous family life. Settling for less than what you really want limits you or your child.

Every challenge in a family relationship is an opportunity to expand, grow as a person, and learn something new that will transform your life forever. What can you do this week to challenge yourself to stretch to have more of what you truly want to experience in your life?

Adventures in New Mexico

Here are some photos I thought you might enjoy from our recent travels in New Mexico.

The burning of Zozobra--Old Man Gloom--at Santa Fe Fiesta Days. Not recommended for young children!

A lovely sculpture by Joyce Killebrew outside a gallery. My favorite of everything I saw!

Photos from Wild Rivers National Recreation Area

Georgia O'Keeffe Country